What to get the dad who says "don't get me anything"

Most dads who say it are telling you one of three things: they already buy what they want, they don't want more things to find a home for, or they don't want you to spend money on them. None of those means they would be happier with nothing.

Work out which one it is, because each points to a different kind of gift. Clutter worries point to things that get used up. Money worries point to time and small, thoughtful touches. "I buy my own" points to better versions of things he would never replace himself.

Gift lists for "dads" are written for an average dad who does not exist. A better starting point is a single question: what does he do when nobody needs him for anything?

• Always in the garden or the shed: a good pair of gloves, a tool roll, a quality pair of secateurs, or seeds for something he has never grown.
• Follows a team: a print of the ground from a season that mattered to him, or tickets to a match you go to together.
• Cooks at weekends: a spice set from somewhere he has not cooked from, a proper knife sharpener, or a cookbook from a chef he already likes.
• Walks, rides or runs: socks, a head torch, a flask or a map of a route he loves. Practical, used every time.

Look for the worn-out everyday object: the wallet held together with habit, the cheap umbrella, the mug with the chip. A better version of something he already uses is welcome precisely because he would never buy it for himself.

Give time instead. A day out you plan and book, a meal you cook, help with a job he keeps putting off, or a photo book of the last year. Put the date in the diary as part of the gift, so it actually happens.

Flairmingo's Gifts page asks a few quick questions about the person you are buying for, such as how practical, foodie, outdoorsy or sentimental they are, and ranks gift ideas by how well they fit him rather than by what is popular.